Joke - Write it down!

Better Write it Down....I always say!!

An elderly couple went to the doctor complaining about their memory

 loss. The doctor explained it is normal, and suggested they try and

 write things down.

In the evening the husband said, “I’m going to get something to snack on.

 Do you want something?”

“I’ll take some ice cream please,” said the wife.

He started off and she said, “Better write that down.”

He said, “No need.”

She added, “Put some strawberries on top, and write this down.”

He said, “No need.”

Again she added, “I need some nuts on that too. Better write it down.”

He gave her a look. Much later he returned with bacon and eggs. “I told you to write it down, ” she said, “...You forgot my toast!" 

Joke - I'm the Boss

The boss was concerned that his employees weren’t giving him enough respect, so he tried and old fashioned method of persuasion: He brought in a sign that said “I’m the Boss” and taped it to his door. After lunch, he noticed someone had taped another note under his. “Your wife called. She wants her sign back!”

Joke- Efficiency

An expert on efficiency concluded his lecture with a note of caution.

“You need to be careful about trying these techniques at home.”

“Why?” asked somebody from the audience.

“I watched my wife’s routine at breakfast for years,” the expert explained.

“She made lots of trips between the refrigerator, stove, table and cabinets, 

often carrying a single item at a time.

One day I told her, ’Honey, why don’t you try carrying several things at once?’”

“Did it save time?” the guy in the audience asked.

“Actually, yes,” replied the expert. “It used to take her 30 minutes to make

 breakfast. Now it takes me 10.”

Joke- Two electrons...

Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, ’I think I’ve lost an electron.’

The other says ’Are you sure?’

The first says, ’Yes, I’m positive.’!

Joke- Time Off

Two men working in a factory were talking. “I know how to get some time off,” said one.

“How are you going to do that?”

“Watch,” he said, and climbed up on a rafter. The foreman asked what he was doing up there, and the man replied ”I’m a lightbulb.”

“I think you need some time off,” the foreman said said, and the first man walked out of the factory. After a moment, the second man followed him.

“Where do you think you’re going?” the foreman shouted.

“I can’t work in the dark,” he said.

Joke - Engineer's Belief

Most people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.

Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.

Joke - Doctor joke

A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, wherever I touch, it hurts."
The doctor asks, "What do you mean?"
The man says, "When I touch my shoulder, it really hurts. If I touch my knee - OUCH! When I touch my forehead, it really, really hurts."
The doctor says, "I know what's wrong with you - you've broken your finger!"

Joke - Emails

What should you do if you get lots of  emails saying, 'What's up, Doc? What's up, Doc?'
Check for bugs in your system.

When do emails stop being in black and white?
When they are read.

I've lost my dog!
Have you tried putting a message on the Internet?
Don't be silly, my dog never reads e-mails!

I tried to send an e-mail and broke my computer.
How did you manage that?
I think it was when I tried to push it through the letterbox.

What do werewolves put at the bottom of their e-mails?

Beast wishes. 

Joke - CEO Party

A CEO (and member of Forbes 400!) throwing a party takes his executives on a tour of his opulent mansion. In the back of the property, the CEO has the largest swimming pool any of them has ever seen. The huge pool, however, is filled with hungry alligators. The CEO says to his executives "I think an executive should be measured by courage. Courage is what made me CEO. So this is my challenge to each of you: if anyone has enough courage to dive into the pool, swim through those alligators, and make it to the other side, I will give that person anything they desire. My job, my money, my house, anything!" 

Everyone laughs at the outrageous offer and proceeds to follow the CEO on the tour of the estate. Suddenly, they hear a loud splash. Everyone turns around and sees the CFO in the pool, swimming for his life. He dodges the alligators left and right and makes it to the edge of the pool with seconds to spare. He pulls himself out just as a huge alligator snaps at his shoes. The flabbergasted CEO approaches the CFO and says, "You are amazing. I've never seen anything like it in my life. You are brave beyond measure and anything I own is yours. Tell me what I can do for you."

The CFO, panting for breath, looks up and says, "You can tell me who the hell pushed me in the pool!!" 

Joke - Father mouse

A family of mice were surprised by a big cat. Father Mouse jumped and and said, "Bow-wow!" The cat ran away. "What was that, Father?" asked Baby Mouse. "Well, son that's why it's important to learn a second language."

Joke — Engineer vs Manager

A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He spotted a woman below and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The woman below replied, "You're in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."

"You must be an engineer," said the balloonist.

 "I am," replied the woman, "How did you know?"

"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is, technically, correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything, you've delayed my trip."

The woman below responded, "You must be in Management."

"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

"Well," said the woman, "you don't know where you are or where you're going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault."